I Think I Cured Cokeheads

Let me just start out by saying that I am not a fan of cokeheads. Never have been, probably never will be. Now Im not saying there as bad as crackheads, because there in a whole other league, but the cokehead is not a friend of mine. They seem to have a way of irritating me.

Take the cokehead I met in Las Vegas two years ago. I end up stopping in a strip club at 2am. Now at the time I was 26, so by law I had to go there. There were beautiful women everywhere. So I ended up leaving and went back the next day to kill time between checking out from my hotel and when my plane left. Never has a place changed more in a few hours than this place. It was like the Seinfeld episode when George brings Jerry to show him the club with the beautiful models, only now its an abandoned warehouse. This place was a disaster. I end up sitting at the bar and within minutes a cokehead girl is pulling up a seat next to me. How do I know she was a cokehead? The sniffing was the first hint (it was 99 degrees that weekend) Then there was the time she told me what she did for work (she had told me 4 times already). But the biggest give away was when I looked at her and saw that she had no idea that her nose was bleeding like someone had turned on a faucet. It was starting to pool up on the bar. Right then and there I said, enough is enough with cokeheads.

The thing is I have finally found the cure. It's so amazingly simple I can't believe it took me this long to realize it. The most famous cokehead in the world right now is Barack Obama. What changed this man from a bumbling fool to someone people call a great speaker: The teleprompter. Dont believe me. Just check out this guy when his cure malfunctions:



It's frightening, but it doesnt have to happen anymore. Obama doesnt order dinner without his teleprompter near him, and cokeheads across America shouldn't have to either. Just think of how much money this country could save. The War on drugs would be over. I wouldnt have to listen to that girl tell me she worked as a data processor 5 times. The teleprompter would get to that, and move on.

Now unfortunately, as we have seen with Obama, the teleprompter does not help with certain decision making skills. Things like cabinet appointments, economic plans, and letting your mother in law live with you, will all still remain questionable. But we can take a vast majority of cokeheads and make them seem like they know what they are doing.

Now, I know when someone brought up Obamas drug use during the campaign that this created a media firestorm of scrutiny on that person. It wasn't relevant, we were told and that person resigned. Now in the wake of the medias disection of Sarah Palins daughters relationship, maybe it's not so out of bounds. Just think of how many cokeheads a teleprompter could help as opposed to the relationship of an 18 yr old girl. I dont know, Im just throwing it out there.