I Support The Fairness Doctrine

As each days passes it seems like more and more liberals come out in favor of the Fairness Doctrine. Bill Clinton is the latest example. He told Politico there needs to be, "more balance in the programs or have some opportunity for people to offer countervailing opinions." Initially as a conservative I was against this idea, but I have been caught up recently in the hope, change, and bipartisan spirit emanating out of Washington, DC. So in the spirit of fairness I propose the fairness doctrine be reinstated as follows.

For too long the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity have built a loyal following on the talk radio airwaves with hard work and perseverance. They bounced from station to station until they eventually became a huge success. Now you might call that hard work, but in 2009 I call that unfair. So in the interest of fairness I am calling on Congress to pass legislation that would mandate a liberal radio host be given the same amount of airtime as a conservative. The American people need to hear both sides whether they want to or not.

Now to show just how much I truly believe in fairness, I am going to take this legislation even further. Every time a liberal movie is released, a conservative one must immediately follow it. And by immediately follow it, I mean the same weekend, the same night, the same theater, directly after the closing credits. So for example, once Oliver Stones W. finished, " The One" would begin which looks into the life of Barack Obama, complete with his "enthusiastic use of drugs" all the way up through his 20 years with the honorable Rev Wright.

After Frost/Nixon, audiences would be treated to Matthews/Obama, a 2009 release in the mold of Brokeback Mountain. Yes Congressman Frank, you can screen that movie alone.

When Sean Penn wins his Oscar for Milk (which he undoubtedly will) and gives his acceptance speech either praising Obama or bashing Bush (or both), Ted Nugent will be brought up on stage and give his response. Now I'm sure there are some liberals who might not agree with this. Ive heard the argument that Sean Penn has put in years of hard work as an actor and deserves to be up on that stage. Why the hell should Ted Nugent be allowed up there? You have to remember, just like Rush and Sean, that no longer matters. We are in 2009, and like former President Clinton has said, there needs to be "opportunity for contervailing opinions." After all, it is only fair.

In Part II we discuss how the fairness doctrine will relate to colleges. Make some room Bill Ayers, because you will now be co-teaching with a conservative professor.