Who Gets A Bailout

If The Conservative Comeback was put in charge of handing out bailout funds, our list would look a little diffrent than that of Congress or Timothy Geithner. So for this post we are going to play the game: Who Gets A Bailout. We will separate between those who get and those who don't

Does Not Get A Bailout- Businesses that ran their companies into the ground.

Gets A Bailout- Robby Alomar. We found out today that you have a 15 million dollar lawsuit against you and you dont just have HIV, but full...blown...AIDS. AND you think you got it by being raped by two guys in New Mexico. Say no more Robby, you get a bailout.

Does Not Get A Bailout- New sod for the National Mall

Gets A Bailout- Mrs Laruso. You had the guts to pack your bags and drive across the country in a green station wagon with your son to start a new life. Upon arriving you find out that the swimming pool doesn't work and your faucet leaks. On top of this your kid is now getting the shit kicked out of him everyday. But you held strong. You didn't even blink when Daniel started spending an unusual amount of time with an Asian senior citizen. And because of this he went on to become the 1984 All Valley Karate Champion. Due to this, and in the hopes that you buy a new car to take your son on his next date, you get a bailout.

Does Not Get A Bailout- STD prevention. Yeah, real nice job helping Alomar. You think we're going to throw more money at you.

Gets A Bailout- The paper boy from Better Off Dead. Anybody who would work that hard for two dollars deserves a break. Hey kid, you're gettin a bailout.

Does Not Get A Bailout- Goldman Sachs

Gets A Bailout- Cuba Gooding Jr. You're making me feel old lately Cuba. I mean, it seems like just yesterday I was a freshman in high school and you were winning an Academy Award. Now you're starring in a TNT movie of the week. Come on Cuba. You're better than that. We're going to give you a bailout.

Does Not Get A Bailout- Citigroup

Gets A Bailout- 24 FBI Special Agent Renee Walker. Each week The Conservative Comeback falls more and more in love with you. You do what it takes it to protect this country. I mean, you almost tortured a baby Monday night. You gotta do what you gotta do. And because we are in the Obama years, you might need a high priced defense attorney soon. But dont worry Renee, we're giving you a lot of bailout money.

Does Not Get A Bailout- Newspaper industry

Gets A Bailout- Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunn. You haven't paid your electrical bill in months, you've been robbed by a sweet old lady, and your pets heads are falling off. Plus there aren't any jobs available in the city...unless you wanna work 40 hours a week. Forget it, we're bailin you out.

Does Not Get A Bailout- Credit Card Industry

Gets A Bailout- Del Griffith, shower curtain ring salesman. Talk about an industry that is too big to fail. Who doesn't take a shower? Plus his wife is dead and he hasn't been home in years. And he also owes a rental company a ton of money for a car that is no longer safe for highway travel. Del, hook us up with shower curtain rings and you got yourself a bailout.

As you can see our plan is much different and vastly superior to that of Congress. You can feel free to submit this plan for a vote so long as this website gets the credit.